My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
