ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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