Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
love makes seman taste better
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
