redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
