Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
