After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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