Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
