Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
