JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
there was a trapeze. enough said
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
