Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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