1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
