We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
