So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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