I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
