There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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