Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
