You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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