Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
