hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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