I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
