I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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