is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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