Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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