i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
