My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just cut my nipple shaving
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
