nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
