goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
