so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
