dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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