he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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