My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
