Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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