i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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