Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
