you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i will never coherently bang her
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Dear god my vagina.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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