she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
