if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
