Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
