I skipped work to stalk him.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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