is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
