That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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