Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
