I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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