East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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