so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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