i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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