She's JV to your varsity
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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