just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Everything about him screamed your future.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
