Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
