And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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