i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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