Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
