you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
