hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
two words...techno handjob
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
