Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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