It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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