Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
