I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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