i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
