i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
