All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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