from now on my penis is your penis
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
