That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
