woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
