Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
