A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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