It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
