can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
