Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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